Caring for Yourself as a Caregiver

“I can’t find time for myself - who would care for them in the meantime?” This statement comes from countless caregivers. But the truth is that if we don’t take care of ourselves, eventually we won’t be able to take care of others either.

Caregiver Burnout Is a Real Danger

Statistics That Make You Think

• 60% of dementia caregivers experience depressive symptoms
• 40% suffer from severe burnout
• 75% visit the doctor less often than they should
• Their life expectancy decreases by an average of 15 years

These aren’t scare tactics. These are research findings. Caregiving places a serious physical and mental burden on us.

Signs of Caregiver Burnout

Physical Symptoms

• Constant fatigue, exhaustion
• Frequent headaches
• Sleep disturbances (can’t fall asleep or sleeping too much)
• Appetite changes (overeating or loss of appetite)
• Weakened immune system - frequent illnesses
• Muscle tension, back pain

Emotional Symptoms

• Irritability, quick anger outbursts
• Constant worry
• Feeling of emptiness
• Hopelessness
• Sense of loss
• Emotional numbness
• Crying or inability to cry

Behavioral Signs

• Withdrawal from family, friends
• Giving up former hobbies
• Excessive use of alcohol or medication
• Impatience with the person being cared for
• Neglecting own health

If several of these sound familiar, you urgently need to make changes.

Why Do We Feel Guilty When We Focus on Ourselves?

Common Thoughts

• “I would be selfish if I took time for myself”
• “They’re much worse off, I have no right to complain”
• “No one else can do it the way I do”
• “If I loved them, I wouldn’t feel this way”

The Truth

These thoughts are lies that burnout feeds.

The truth:

• Taking care of ourselves is NOT selfish, it’s a necessity
• Our health matters too
• Others CAN help (even if they do things differently)
• Loving someone does NOT mean suffering for them

On airplanes they always say: “Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others.” This principle applies here too.

Practical Strategies for Self-Care

1. Daily 15 Minutes Just for YOU

Yes, just 15 minutes. But Sacred 15 minutes. What can you do?

• ☕ A cup of tea in silence (no phone!)
• 🧘‍♀️ Breathing exercise or short meditation
• 📖 Reading (a few pages is enough)
• 🎵 Listening to favorite music
• 🌳 Sitting in the garden/balcony
• ✍️ Journal writing (even 5 lines)

Tip: Put it in your calendar as an appointment. Take it seriously!

2. Ask for and Accept Help

This is the hardest for many. But it’s critical.

Who can help?

• Other family members
• Friends
• Neighbors
• Volunteers
• Professional caregivers (nurses, aides)

What can you ask for?

• “Watch them for 2 hours on Saturday while I shop”
• “Bring a batch of lunch on Thursday”
• “Call the insurance company for me”
• “Sit with them for 20 minutes while I shower”

How to ask? Specifically. Not “if you have time,” but: “Can you watch them Wednesday from 10 AM to noon? I have a doctor’s appointment.”

3. Join a Support Group

Why is this good?

• They understand (others are experiencing the same thing)
• You get practical advice
• Emotional support
• You break out of isolation

Where to find one?

• Alzheimer Café - monthly meetings
• Online forums - SOLIDIUM community
• Facebook groups - caregiver communities
• Local self-help groups - ask your family doctor

A caregiver said: “In the support group I realized I’m not alone. Others also scream at the wall sometimes. And that’s okay.”

4. Physical Activity - Even Just a Little

Exercise reduces stress, improves sleep, and increases energy.

Don’t have time for the gym? That’s okay!

• 10 minutes of stretching in the morning - upon getting out of bed
• Walk with the person you care for - double benefit
• YouTube workout videos - 15-minute home workouts
• Stair climbing - if you have stairs
• Dancing in the kitchen - while cooking to favorite music

Goal: 20-30 minutes of movement daily, but 5 minutes is better than nothing.

5. Treating Sleep as a Priority

Poor sleep affects everything: patience, health, decision-making.

How to improve it?

• Go to bed and wake up at the same time - even on weekends
• Dark, cool bedroom (18-20°C is ideal)
• No screens 1 hour before bed
• Relaxation routine - reading, warm bath, herbal tea
• If the person you care for wakes frequently at night → ask for nighttime help (family member, nurse)

If you’re sleeping poorly for weeks, talk to a doctor. Chronic insomnia needs to be addressed.

6. Nutrition (Quick and Simple)

Don’t have energy to cook? Understandable. But fast food makes things worse long-term.

Simple tips:

• Batch cooking - cook larger portions on weekends, freeze
• Slow cooker - put it in morning, ready by evening
• Pre-cut vegetables - more expensive, but saves time
• Quick, healthy options - yogurt + fruit, eggs, avocado on toast
• Vitamin delivery - if budget allows

Don’t fear “imperfect” meals. It is what it is. A sandwich is better than skipping a meal.

7. Mental Health Support

Consider therapy:

• Psychologist or psychotherapist
• Online counseling (if you can’t go in person due to time constraints)
• Crisis hotline number on hand

Meditation and breathing exercises:

• Headspace, Calm apps (many options available)
• 4-7-8 breathing: inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8
• 5 minutes of calm in morning - before the day starts

8. Maintaining Relationships

Don’t cut yourself off from the world. Isolation is one path to burnout.

Stay connected:

• Call friends regularly (even just 10 minutes)
• Video chat with family
• Go out sometimes (yes, really go!) - for lunch, coffee

Tell them what’s happening. Most people would help, they just don’t know what you need.

When to Seek Professional Help IMMEDIATELY?

If any of these are true:

• ❌ Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
• ❌ Thoughts of harming the person you care for
• ❌ Complete hopelessness, nothing brings joy
• ❌ Can’t eat or sleep for days
• ❌ Panic attacks
• ❌ Excessive alcohol/drug use

Call a crisis line or go to emergency. This is serious, and you need help.

📞 Crisis Helpline (UK): 116 123 (Samaritans) 📞 Crisis Helpline (US): 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)

Caregiver “Permission Cards”

Give yourself these statements:

✅ “It’s okay if I’m angry sometimes.” ✅ “It’s okay if I cry.” ✅ “It’s okay if I ask for help.” ✅ “It’s okay if I’m not perfect sometimes.” ✅ “It’s okay if I need rest.” ✅ “It’s okay if I sometimes miss my old life.” ✅ “It’s okay if I can’t always do it.”

These aren’t signs of weakness. These are human responses to extreme situations.

Summary: The 5 Basic Rules

1. Daily 15 minutes just for YOU - make it sacred
2. Ask for help - specifically, regularly
3. Move - even just 10 minutes
4. Sleep - priority, not luxury
5. Talk to someone - support group, friend, therapist

Remember: You matter too. Your health is important. Taking care of yourself is NOT selfish – it’s the only way to care for others long-term.

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Help and Support:

• SOLIDIUM community: Online support, practical advice
• Alzheimer Café: Local meetings - find one near you
• Crisis Helpline: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Family doctor: Talk to them about burnout, they can help

Author: Dr. Eszter Molnár, clinical psychologist, dementia care specialist, former family caregiver herself.